Get Money, Get Paid.

There's something not quite right about being 28 years old and looking for a summer job. First off, if I had to show you how many years old I am, I would say, "this many," and show you all my fingers, all my toes, both arms, both legs, my eyeballs, and my ears. If I get much older, I will run out of body parts to show you how old I am. Secondly, I haven't needed a summer job since... 2006. All those numbers just don't add up to anything very special. Bottom line: it's not glamorous, but this is the life of an adult who chooses to go back to school and doesn't have summer classes. Silver lining: I feel like I'm 20 again, so I guess life could be worse.

As I peruse possible opportunities, I'd like to share some obscure and unique skills that I think I could bring to potential employers:

• Starbucks barista: I will probably spell customers' names correctly on their cups. That's cool, right?
• Any retail job: I sold $50k/year college educations for five years; I think I got this.
• Bartending: Come on, I can make conversation with a rock - can you imagine the tips I'd make?!
• Truck driver: Besides the OBVIOUS lack of a CDL, I'm pretty sure that trucker blood runs through my veins. I have ample experience driving hundreds of miles in one day, and I LIKE it.
• Liberty Tax person: Of course there's a threat of heat exhaustion, but I think I would bring passersby much joy by dancing around in that Statue of Liberty costume. I might just be made for that exact job.

Okay, so maybe I've only scratched the surface of the necessary skill sets for these positions, but seriously - I need a freakin' job. Until I've secured a position, I think I'm going to start writing a book. For real. If it sucks, this is the last you'll hear of it. If it's awesome, I need to know if you know anything about publishing.

Peace, love, and minimum wage--

EMILY