We're Not That Dumb! We're Not That Dumb!

This post is dedicated to my grandma, who I told last week that "I've never felt more dumb in my life" and to my classmates who might be telling their grandmas the same sort of thing. And if you're one of my classmates who does not and/or has not ever felt dumb, well, aren't you just special? You can just stop reading now - please and thanks.

So about a week ago, exactly, my grandma asked how school was going. I responded, "Grandma, I've never felt more dumb in my whole life," to which she expressed total disbelief. I continued, explaining that I'm surrounded by super well-spoken, intelligent people that just make me feel like a small fish in a big pond. At the same time, that's what I asked for: to be the small fish in the big pond. And now I'm lamenting it. It seemed like every time I opened my mouth in class, something stupid came out of it. Great. Maybe I'll just stop speaking? (Do we really think I can do that?)

Time for an intervention.

But before the intervention, let's get something clear: I'm not posting this in an attempt to fish for compliments (So many fish metaphors, so little time! I'm the small fish, fishing for compliments, in the big pond. Let's see if I can add more fish metaphors from here.) I'm hoping that, in posting this, someone else who feels dumb will find that they have company. Misery loves company, right? Well so does the perception of ignorance. This will be the "I feel dumb but I'm really not dumb" support group. I could probably find a more intellectual way to phrase that, but who cares, I feel dumb.

On Monday and Wednesday, validation came my way. FINALLY I received some grades for a few class assignments. Okay, maybe I'm not so dumb after all. Although, the voice in the back of my head was saying, "Or perhaps you are so far gone, that these are pity grades." Let's ignore that voice because validation, my friends, is good. I recognized that maybe I was being a little dramatic (and really, when am I ever dramatic? I don't have a tendency to blow things out of proportion...).

I had lunch with my favorite professor at Wake on Thursday (I know, week 6 and I already have a favorite prof) to talk about the internal struggles that I'm having. Clearly, I'm capable of the work, but inside, I keep telling myself that I'm not. What's the deal, self? Get with it! You're intelligent, you're hard-working, you're capable, and you're usually confident - what is happening?! Our conversation brought to light my unrealistically high expectations for myself. Once again, being a know-it-all perfectionist is not paying off for me. And our conversation also brought to light the notion that my classmates were probably feeling the same way - at one point or another. We are ALL extremely talented with diverse experiences, backgrounds, and interests. We're each going to excel in different areas, and none of us can do it all. While I may feel like the dumbest person on the planet today, someone else might tomorrow.

And last night, I received confirmation of this notion after witnessing a classmate do her impression of me (which I hope to see again). She had to set up the impression, as I think she was super afraid that she'd offend me. Little did she know, it was exactly what I needed to hear this week. She started by explaining that the impression is based on the way I ask questions in class and that I must not realize how smart I really am because I always ask questions that help everyone else understand what's going on, but everyone else is afraid to ask them. Ah-ha! I DON'T ask the dumbest questions in the world! I'm NOT the only one who doesn't get it! In "taking one for the team" and asking questions all the time, I'm not airing my ignorance, I'm coming to the aid of my classmates (most of them, that is; the rest of you that just "get it"... well, I just don't understand you, and I can't help you in any way). We are all in the same boat (and in that boat, we are fishing for knowledge... And she does it again, folks!).

So to my classmates, and all of you out there who feel dumb every now and again: we're not that dumb! We're not that dumb! When we take a moment to assess our own talents and skills, we may reclaim our confidence and move forward. Shake that stress off and just keep doing what you do best. And we should applaud the talents and skills of others, even though they make us feel inferior, because maybe they need that validation to see the light. We don't all have to be good at the same things, but we need to recognize that we're all good at something.

Another thought for the day: I'd really like to start a Perfectionists Anonymous group. A recent Google search revealed that SOMEBODY has started a blog on this exact topic. http://perfectionistsanonymous.com/ The motto is "Get rid of stress and prosper in life." Let's do that. However, she hasn't posted anything except an "About me" section that contains some great insights about the plight of perfectionism. This is a brilliant blog idea! Help us! Perfectionists support group - GO! Speak for the masses, perfectionistsanonymous.com!

Peace, love, and fish and ponds of all sizes and shapes--

Emily